The Office Temp

Although it is not actually my first day as a "Temp", it is my third and therefore I feel I have enough experience to give an opinion.
I can safely say without a shadow of a doubt, undeniably, no questions asked and without bias......I'm bored.
"The Temp" or "temporary assistant" is a tough position because it's really somewhere between homelessness and a real job. Here are some major differences that are important to note between a temp, and a REAL secretary.

#1. Unlike a real secretary, the office temp is not given any of the glorious, meaningful day to day responsibilities and "tasks."
Some would consider this most excellent.
I however think it is the worst kind of torcher.
Not only am I waking up at the crack of dawn, so early that even my stomach sais no to food (which never happens), I get up, have a hot shower and slide uneasily into the confines of my skin tone sausage casing, more traditionally known as "nylons."
I sleepily decide what I am to wear out of my two office outfits, down some day old coffee, and prepare myself for the news. Is this a morning that my 88 year old grandmother who is still driving with exuberant enthusiasm and shouldn't be, bless her heart, drive me to work whilst I pray for my life as we dodge cars on the freeway and she tell me again why Germany makes the best clothes.....or......
will I get the car for the day?

The answer is A. Evidently Oma has errands to run. She's driving. My life flashes before my eyes.
Finally after arriving in one piece (whew) I hike up my nylons that have now traveled down to my knees, sit behind my huge "temporary" desk, roll up my sleeves, and inhale deeply to prepare myself for the work that lays ahead.
Stacks upon stacks......
of nothing......nada.....zip....zilch.......zero.
It took me 11 staff members, 4 phone calls, and some serious begging with my best puppy dog eyes to extract work out of these guys.
Well my acting classes have paid off because I got work.
I have never been so excited to see a stack of files that needed to be organized.
It was a 20 min job. I eagerly stretched it to 40.
The highlight of my day is when the phone rings every so often asking for someone in the office, it takes everything in me to replace what I want to say which is,
"Hello Ted! How's it hangin over there in shipping? How's your wife Ted? Do you got any kids? Where are you from anyway? What's your view on global warming?"
and replace it with...
"Sure Ted, he's here....I'll page him."

#2. You don't officially have a job yet, and your not really sure how long this one is gonna pan out for so you're still keeping an eye out for your other options and their pros and cons.
example a) Bank clerk
Pro- look professional while handling lots of money.
Con- Banks get robbed
example b) Post office mail carrier
Pro- great money, good benefits and daily exercise
Con- Post men get bitten by dogs
example c)Event Coordinator
Pro- fancy job title
Con- Its a bullshit name for a minimum wage hostess position
example d)Fitness Consultant
Pro- consulting people in fitness for $3000 a month
Con- as long as you sell 750 memberships.
So knowing that my other options are one step away from a three ringed circus, I humbly choose to stay temping and pray this turns into something permanent.

#3. You don't buy wardrobe to fit the bill because tomorrow you might be suiting up with a collard polo shirt and black visor with a big yellow M on the front, so you keep working with the modest selection of "office wear"(2 outfits) and try to mix and match them with different hair and jewelery. By the end of the week you have used every combination possible, but 7 days is long enough for everyone to forget what you were wearing Monday and you can start all over.
The real upside is your clothes are already pressed from the one time you ironed them. You don't even have to wash them....a little flower deodorant and a quick spray of fabreeze and your good to go for at least 3 weeks.

#4. Lunches. This is a new one for me having lived in Vancouver and worked in restaurants for the past eight years. i have become accustomed to always having prime, amazing food at my fingertips. There were always a handful of yummy options near by.
Fresh, delicious sushi, like it was just caught off the boat.
Organically grown spinach salads with hand picked juicy strawberries and local creamy goat cheese...the best you have ever tasted.
Traditional mouth watering Indian lathered in sauce and laced with spice.
And of course there is the local market where most everything is brought in fresh daily from surrounding farms.
And then there's Edmonton.
Now again, I'm temping so I don't want to buy lunch in bulk just in case tomorrow I'm standing over a deep frier yelling "Combo 23 is up!"
So I resort to my daily options.
Sushi would be great but the only body of water in these parts is the Fort Saskatchewan River, in which they have said anyone who has gone overboard in the past 5 years should be checked by a doctor. So my safest bet is canned Tuna from Alaska.
The closest thing Edmonton has to traditional Indian would be going to your local 7 11. You will probably be greeted by a real Indian and it will be service with a smile. Word to the wise....stay away from the hot dogs....i don't think its real meat!
As for fresh fruit an vegetables there is the local Safeway and truly it is the "safest way "to go.
Your apples may be so waxy you can see your face in them and they may be from Kansas, but it is your best bet.
Today I had a B.C. Salmon sandwich with an apple from Kansas, a banana from Greece and a Tomato from Chile.
At least I'm worldly.

Well for now, until I have hopes of a real job, I will continue to work hard where I can and do lots of research to help my chances of getting a permanent position. I've rented the whole first season of "The Office" so that should totally help.