The President

As we all know there are different names to classify the "head" of something. In the restaurant we call it a manager, the theater we call it a director. We even have funny names we've created like "Head Hancho" "Big Kahuna" and "The Boss."

But the one that trumps them all....is "The President"

Well Today the president was coming. And that changes my day completely.
After yesterday I realized it would be in my best interest to bring whatever I could find to keep me busy so it would take my mind off the big clock in front and its haunting second hand that is a constant reminder it's not lunch time yet.
So as I left the house today, I sported my big red book bag that I only bring out when I'm really busy, and filled it with an array of fun things.
I had an I pod, a pad of paper, a book, some cards, and a pack of stickers.
I was proud of my preparation.
The Objective: To conquer office bordeom.
I got to work, slid into my desk and started to unload my extra carricular activities for the day.

No sooner had i place my things neatly out in front of me, I saw a tubby man with spikey hair, thick glasses and a freshly pressed suit walking toward me with a hint of panic in his eyes.
It was my boss. I didn't recognize him. He usually wears Khakis and a t-shirt.
"What are you doing here? I casually asked knowing full well he wasn't supposed to be here as his flight to Montreal was leaving in T-3 hours.
"The President is coming," he simply replied and ducked quickly into his office.

Now I have a very overactive imagination as well as an oversensitivity to reading peoples emotions. Combined with years of self- analyzing and therapy and this is what I interpreted.
“The President of the world will be making his way to the office. It is very important that you do not look at him directly in the eyes because he is a BIG TALL executive who wears suits that cost at least $10, 000. Do not even breath in his presence. If you break any of these rules, giant lazer beams will come out of his eyes and he will KILL you!

Damn I wish I had washed my hair today.

I took a deep breath and tried to remember the three most important questions my mom used to ask me when I felt like the sky was falling.
Have you had enough sleep? Check. Have you been eating properly? Check check. Are you on your period?
BINGO!
A big sigh of relief as I realized that in reality I was probably overreacting.
I’m sure the president wasn’t going to kill me.
The minute I decidedly put to rest this important piece of information, the other office employees started to file in, all of them dressed sharply in business attire.
Yup, a shower would have been good too.
Suddenly, a large booming voice from the office across from me.
“Erika, when you get a minute we need to chat.”
It was my boss.
I meekly walked into his well lit office, plunked myself down in a comfy high back chair across from him, and awaited his response.
“So”, he started, “here’s the deal. The president of Canada is coming.”
Wait a second….I know I didn’t really pay attention in social studies, and I know about as much about politics as I do about winged creatures in the rainforest. But I’m pretty sure there ain’t no president of…..
“The company,” said Boss.”in Canada.”
He must have recognized the the blank look on my face.
Ah yes….that made more sense.
“So,” he continued, “there is something important that we haven't trained you on yet that you’ll need to know.”
Not bad , not bad…..sounded like a job was involved…..learning….responsibility….this could be good.
I eagerly listened on.
“It’s a safety orientation that you need to take people though when they come into the building. So when the president comes today, it’s important you are trained and prepared to take him through it. I’ll show you what you need to say, you can take notes, and we'll practice run it a couple of times before he gets here.”
Well this just couldn't be more awesome!
I might as well have been asked to be the star of my own show!
I’ll get a script, my director will tell me how he wants it portrayed. I’ll memorize, improve a little, rehearse and when the president comes it’s lights, camera, ACTION!”

My acting juices started kicking into high gear. I wondered how he would feel about a Hungarian accent I’ve been working on.
No Erika. Don’t get carried away. Just memorize and listen to your director. He’ll tell you everything you need to know.
We got up from the desk and I patiently waited as Boss found me the safety protocol sheet (aka my script) with the list of things I needed to say.
It was longer than I expected.
I may need more time to do my best work.
“First things first, he said, "safety numbers are on the wall.”
A one liner. Great! Been doing one line auditions for the past 8 years… I can totally do this!
“Here we have our emergency contacts, services and action plan.”
Mmmmmmhmm….action plan….enter into the ole noggin.

"And outside we have the muster station where we will meet at that yellow sign.”
Muster….mustard yellow sign….memory by association. Got it.
I was just about to ask what a muster station was, never having worked in an office before I figured it was the lunch room, when he continued with….
“ There is an emergency exit in the front and two in the back. You need to familiarize yourself with the evacuation route, so if you hear a horn you must exit quickly, get to the muster station and wait until emergency protocol has taken place. Whatever you do, do NOT re-enter the danger zone until authorized.
Ok hold up.
I completely dropped out of my acting zone by certain key words that brought me back to the present.
Evacuation routes. Emergency protocol. Exit quickly. Danger zone? What is this place?
I quickly realized I really knew nothing about this company that I was working for.
My imagination started to run again. This time it was after an extra large cup of coffee.

Omigod this is bad.
What happens if the perimeter of the building is surrounded by oil that has been leaking unnoticed for years and the guy in the back lights a cigarette and is isn’t fully put out and it lights a small fire in the grass which ignites the flares releasing a chemical that seeps into the ground creating a compound molecule that comes into contact with the leaking underground oil and causes a huge explosion flattening every building on 76th ave leaving nothing but ruble, a few startled cockroaches, and my funky silver ring that is apparently indestructible!!

I subconsciously started to click my heels together and chant, “there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.”

I wondered what my mother would do when she heard the news.
What can you do but buy a pretty vase, come down to the place of destruction, scoop up some ashes and say "well....hope that's her!"

Again my brief overexaggerated death scene was promptly brought back to life with the Boss's words.
"Ok lets practice it a couple of times" then added and encouraging, "you'll do just fine."

I gave myself a shake. Time to man up and focus on the job at hand. an the job job at hand was to successfully take the president through safety protocol. Good.
So with my imagination in check, I proceeded to clumsily attempt practice rounds with three unsuspecting staff employees.
I was just starting to feel my confidence rising when the announcement came.
"He just pulled up in the back."

It was go time. It's now or never. the only thing I hadn't worked out was how do I greet the Canadian President of one of the largest oil companies in the world. Do I salute him? Say good day? Greetings? Nanu nanu?
I was almost ready when I could hear the echo of expensive leather shoes walking confidently down the hall. He's here.
I stood up. Patted down my hair and extended my hand to meet this high profile, well respected....
"Tom?"
It was Tom from shipping.
Is everyone in business suits today?
And then my ears tuned into something entirely different. I couldn't quite make it out at first. It started as a long drone, almost a whiny sound. It was coming closer. I could hear laughter, a few words I couldn't make out, more laughter......and then......
"Well hellooo there darlin! How the heck are ya?"
A short stalky man barreled around the corner dressed in a casual polo shirt with shiny pens lining the pocket, and an over sized cowboy hat obviously covering the mans thinning hair.
He spoke loudly with a thick southern drawl. Boss's wink behind him assured me this was the man.
That's when I learned the Canadian President was from Texas.
Unfortunately for me, my Canadian greeting I had prepared,"Howsit goin eh?" was not going to fly.
The formalities flew by quickly as he was a man on a mission, and I went straight into my well rehearsed one woman show. The words flew out of my mouth with ease and I only had to look at my 6 sticky note cheat sheet once.
Success! I nailed it!
I hadn't felt that good since playing a munchkin in the Wizard of Oz.
And the best part was my director was happy.
Wanting to take a bow but knowing it was probably inappropriate, I opted for a bright smile, wished them on there way and sat casually bat my desk as though I had done it for years.
They walked down the hall but not before Boss turned to me, winked, and said
"Good job kiddo, good job."

So as the day comes to a close I relax a little, try not to count down the last hour, and relish in the days events.
I realize I may not be working on a Hollywood movie set and I'm not auditioning for Broadway yet. But at the office here you have to keep your acting skills honed and a professional attitude because you never know when the President is coming.